Last Provera Pill

Today is one of those days where I am emotional. I am crampy with an upset tummy. I took my last Provera pill responsible for all these feelings. Now I wait for my period to start to begin another FET cycle.


I am exhausted both mentally and physically. I need a break from all of this. The extra weight I have gained is making me tired more often and I feel that I am withdrawing from social activities because I don't like the way I look. All the hormones have flared my IBS and I am constantly dealing with tummy issues. I can't take anything for it because all meds will cause birth defeats, so I suffer silently.


I am tired from all the planning and doctor appointments and pills, patches and shots. I am not hopeful for the next cycle. I have been hopeful so many times before to only have the rug pulled from under me. I tried so hard last cycle to make my lining thicker... acupuncture, mucinex, pom juice. I don't want to do anything this cycle and just let it be, numb myself to what if feelings, so that if it fails, the blow won't feel as hard. I still remember being told there was no heartbeats. I still remember crying so hard in the operating room. I am better that I can say, "Yes, I had a miscarriage", but that's the extent of my growth from pain. I have a whole room upstairs that is closed off with all the baby stuff I started preparing for.


Nick is a great stepfather and he is so ready to have a baby. I ache that I'm struggling to give us more to our family. I can't wait to experience pregnancy and childbirth and parenting with Nick.


Finding support and comfort in my online IVF Support group has been good for me. I am thankful for ladies sharing their triumphs and heartaches.

Cancelled FET cycle

I started spotting on Sunday and Monday. I notified the clinic and the RE wanted me to come in. I prepared myself all day as I knew it was over. My lining was still thin and the fact that my body was trying to shed the lining meant this month wasn't meant to be.


Cancelled cycle.


I started 10 days of Provera to induce a good period and then we will start over. Looking at the calendar, this should put the next transfer on 8/25 if everything goes according to plan.


THIS.IS.HARD.


I am grateful to have a loving and supportive husband who holds me and says, "It's ok, we'll try again next month". Nick is so ready for a baby and I hate that I can't give him one.


Today, I am trusting the wait. Trusting all things happen for a reason. Trusting I will get pregnant at the right time.