Cheers to 2020! The best surprise....

Love is in the air! We have some BIG news to share!

Nick and I are overwhelmed with happiness as we received the surprise of a lifetime. 

I’ve been very open about my fertility struggles. Tristan was conceived after fertility treatments in my early twenties. I underwent four rounds of IVF to get Matheson in my thirties. We tried a final transfer that failed when he was 8 months old. At that point, I was done. I could no longer endure the physical and emotional stress of treatments. While my family did not feel complete, it was time to move on. 

Two days before NYE, my period was very late, not uncommon for me; however, I was feeling waves of nausea and crippling exhaustion... which I’ve only ever experienced during pregnancy. I took a home pregnancy test just to be sure before overindulging at a party we were planning on attending.

In a shocking twist of fate, a positive “pregnant” immediately popped up. My hands started shaking so badly that I instantly dropped the test after viewing the result. This wasn’t supposed to happen without medical intervention. It still doesn’t feel real to conceive the natural way. I float between optimism and realism, this baby was meant to be and that I could start bleeding any minute and it could all be over.

I have always experienced low progesterone in my pregnancies, so I quickly called and got in to my OB's office for an ultrasound and blood work. At 5 weeks, we were able to see the sac on the ultrasound. My progesterone levels were very low at 7.5. For reference, doctors want to see a number of at least 20 at this point in pregnancy. I was put on oral progesterone, but it didn't feel like enough. I contacted Dr Yeh and he agreed to monitor me weekly during my first trimester. It was nice to know everything was ok with weekly ultrasounds. He switched me to vaginal suppositories 3x per day. These weren't covered by insurance and set me back $600 for a one month supply. That didn't matter, Nick was like this is a FREE baby! haha

For right now, we are excited to share our secret surprise and look forward to being outnumbered in August 2020

#partyoffive #surprise #naturalpregnancyafterinfertility

14 Months

Times flies when you are having fun.

Matheson got another tooth this month and it was a doozy! He also had a cold on and off the last two weeks. He started clapping his hands and throwing a ball this month too. Walking has gotten more fluid and M is still into everything.

Our family pictures turned out gorgeous for the holiday card we mail every year.

13 months

This post is LATE. Why? Because we have been having so much fun!

I was even hesitant to continue writing out each month's milestones. I started this private blog to keep track of our IVF journey. I documented everything and it was a great resource for me to share with others in the same boat. I also found it cathartic to write out all my emotions in a safe space. Then, I documented my entire pregnancy and thought I would do the same for the first year of my son's life, broken down in monthly updates to look back on. As of right now, I am going to continue, but not hold myself to one month updates, just as changes occur.

So much has happened since Matheson turned one. He was on whole milk only starting on his birthday and was weaned off bottles in exactly 7 days. It was an easy, flawless transition to straw cups only. Right now, he gets 8oz of milk in the morning and with his evening dinner. Water during the day. I have also done chamomile and lavender tea at bedtime when he's had a fussy day.

I so desperately wanted my son to be walking by his first birthday, but he didn't take off until 12m3w. And that's ok. Matty is cautious and does things when he is ready. It's me that needs to let go of expectations and preconceived notions. I would say that's a character flaw of mine, but it really makes me who I am.

Everyday I am thankful that we are fortunate enough for me to stay home and raise our children. I still ache for one more child, but know that isn't in the cards for us. I am grateful that we are financially stable and my income isn't missed.

Matheson is such an easy baby. I actually enjoy taking him places. We go somewhere everyday. We go to museums and baby gym. M plays in the gym childcare center while I get an hour workout to myself. I've even brought him with me to get my hair colored and styled! Play spaces are so much fun now that he is walking. He's my shopping buddy at the grocery store. Tristan was so difficult at this age. I don't remember enjoying this age with him.

It's so hard to believe that this time last year I had a tiny baby in my arms. In a flash, I have a walking, babbling toddler that weighs 26lbs! I am grateful for Matheson every single day.

In other news, I am down 42lbs since my failed transfer in June. I go to the gym 4-5 days per week and I feel GREAT. I still have 20-30lbs to get to my goal weight and feel like that will be a slower loss. The good news is I relearned how to eat healthy and understand portion control. Exercising is now a habit and a renewed sense of self. I just started taking yoga and group classes again. I wanted to wait until I lost some weight and had strength and stamina to complete the class on a high. I am still on track to get my mommy makeover in December like I want. The only downside is the downtime that I will need. I need to find a way to make that work. From my research, I need someone to care for me and Matheson for two weeks. Nick could take off a week, but I am not sure about that second week. I wouldn't be able to pick up Matheson for 6 weeks and also no working out. Both of those are hard. I researched plastic surgeons and narrowed down to 4. I need to setup a consultation like now if I want to do this after Christmas/ early January. It takes 6 months for the full results to be seen, which will be in June, which is perfect at that is when the pool opens and I can be confident in a swimsuit again.

ONE

I didn't blink, as they say, I was there this entire year watching you grow and develop. From that first smile and giggle to sitting up and crawling. Anxiously, I awaited your first steps. I snuggled you when you let me and gave you space to explore.

You have the sweetest temperament, loveable and warm to strangers. You have become my shadow, my Velcro baby that wants to be held and has a permanent place on my hip. My social butterfly always wanting to play with other children. You are literally a mini version of your dad with a thick head full of dark hair and piercing blue eyes. Even with a cautious demeanor, you love to climb, but you will wait for me to bring you down or help you go down the slide.  You share the same birth mark with your brother and have my nose and toes. A beautiful blend of your family. 

While any transition is difficult, leaving babyhood behind for toddler hood is exciting and terrifying at the same time. I will cherish the memories and look forward to continuing this exciting adventure.

Reflections on my labor, one year ago.

A year ago today, I went to the hospital on a Saturday to turn in my 24-hour urine for quick screening. I had been showing signs of developing pre-clampsia my entire 3rd trimester. My doctor was monitoring me closely and I was already scheduled for an induction at 37 weeks. I also had a migraine for two weeks straight that Tylenol wouldn't touch. The results an hour later showed my kidneys were failing with high amounts of protein in my urine.

I was immediately admitted to L&D. Refusing a c-section, the doctor allowed me to try an induction. The magnesium drip for pre-e was the most horrid experience as it basically felt like the flu was being administered. The liquid in the IV burned and never stopped burning. My skin was on fire. With gestational diabetes, my blood sugar dropped too low and I was shaking and vomiting. I wasn't sure how much longer I could endure and I was only dilated to a 2.

*32* hours later,

I was maxed out on Pitocin and dilated to a 9, where I stalled for 2 hours. Nick never left my side and held my hand the entire time. Exhausted and delirious, I cried and begged for them to let me push. The doctor on call that night decided to let me try even though I wasn't fully dilated since I had a previous vaginal delivery. One set of pushes and she was like, "WHOA. You are having this baby right now!" and started putting on her gear.

Less than five minutes later, Matheson was laying on my chest. He was born at exactly 36 weeks at 1:37am on October 1, 2018. Perfect and healthy, Matty required no NICU time which we were grateful for.
There are a ton of emotions I’m feeling right now, but mostly, I’m feeling proud as hell. I beat infertility, survived pre-clampsia and embraced giving up my career to be a stay-at-home mom. 

11 Months Old

September 1 was Nick's 40th birthday and also the day Matheson turned 11 months and said, Mama for the first time. It was quite a day!

Matty has had the same nap schedule for months, but it just changed about a week or so ago. He will now take a morning nap exactly 3 hours after waking and the afternoon nap is much later.

6-6:30am Wake
Bottle
8-8:30 Breakfast
9-9:30 Morning nap (about an hour)
Bottle
12-12:30 Lunch
1-1:30pm Afternoon nap for about an hour
2:30-3pm Snack after waking with small bottle
5-5:30pm Dinner
6:45pm Bath and book
7pm - Bedtime

Matheson will let go and stand unassisted for about 20 seconds. He's attempted one step so far that I have seen and grabbed Doogan for balance. He crawls so fast that I don't think he has any interest in walking unassisted yet.

We stopped putting the Owlet on him as well as he was moving the monitor with his other foot causing the alarm to go off. So many changes. In just a few short weeks, I won't have a baby anymore. Sniff Sniff. I will have a toddler and I am not ok with how fast this year has flown by!

10 months old

10 months old.

This year is just blowing by so fast. Matheson is my last baby and I don't want the baby year to be done just yet.

The last week the finally arrived at the perfect 7-7 sleep routine. Down at 7pm and awake at 7am. A solid 12 hours of uninterrupted slumber.

Dada was Matty's first word. He's with mama all day and yet, dada gets the glory. He's also said dog and hi. Not often and not when prompted, but he has said them multiple times.

We started going to the little gym for babies called My Gym. There is a class at 11:15am on Tuesdays for 7-13 months. Matheson loves it! He is so social and I get to talk to other moms as well. He plays and explores the entire hour and afterwards there is open gym for children of all ages. He plays there too and is fascinated watching the big boys run and jump around. Fearless.

I am anxiously awaiting for him to take his first steps. I know, I know, I just typed I don't want him to grow up, but with his size, most people wonder why he isn't walking. It will be easier when I can put him down and he can stand and I don't have to worry about him crawling on a dirty floor.