5w1d - Bleeding

Emotions are high today.

On this day during my last pregnancy, I had a subchronic hemorage during lunch. I keep going to the bathroom to check the toilet paper to make sure there is no blood. Although, my rational side keeps telling me that pregnancy wasn't meant to be and the bleed was my body's way of flushing it out. I get it, but it still has me nervous. I just can't wait until my ultrasound on Thursday.

Nick is in NYC until Wednesday night, so I will have to get my mom to do my injection for me the next three days.

***Update. Just what I was afraid of. Right after lunch, I went to the bathroom and wiped bright blood. A few minutes later, I went back to bathroom and there was a huge clot and more blood. I promptly left work and headed to the clinic, crying the entire 45 minute trip there. Upon entering the building, I could feel blood dripping down my leg and went to the bathroom and I was soaked through and two more clots the size of my fist. I just knew it was over.

I was sobbing in the waiting room waiting for my turn. Ultrasound showed one gestational sac!! Still very early to see anything else, but Dr Yeh couldn't see another hemorage and told me to stop the blood thinners. After reviewing my bloodwork, he is increasing my progesterone to 3.5ml. I go back on Friday. I have never felt so relieved.

Third Beta is GREAT!!!

So thankful today as my third beta is amazing. All levels look great and ultrasound is scheduled for 3/1/18!!!!!!!!!!

4w3d

I am hanging in here! So excited to be pregnant FINALLY.

Dr Yeh increased my progesterone from 1ml to 2ml and added 3 progesterone oral tabs per day, so all the extra progesterone on top of pregnancy is making me exhausted!

Here are my lab results from Monday:

I am anxious for my first ultrasound on 5w4d on March 1st to see if one or both embryos survived. I had a feeling last week it was two, but my beta results are indicative of only one. So time will tell.

Will I have a successful pregnancy?

7DP5DT - Beta Results

It was a nailbitting day waiting for bloodwork results!

Confirmed PREGNANT!!!!

After every storm comes a rainbow and I am so excited to meet our rainbow baby!

BFP - 5dp5dt Hope is something you pee on

Today is Valentine's Day and.....

I got a squinter this morning!!!! It's barely there, but THERE! Update, darker in the afternoon!

It is a rainy, dreary day outside, but to me all I see is RAINBOWS! I am so excited.

I had the worst lower back pain last night and still have a horrible headache which is making everything so worth it! 

Best.Day.Ever

4dp5dt Symptoms

I tested for the first time this am and stark white negative. I know today is too early, but my curiosity and lack of patience get the better of me.

I actually slept well last night besides getting up to potty and having an intense cramping in my ovary area.

All day I have had a headache. I really hope if this is meant to be, I get a BFP tomorrow on Valentine's Day, so that I can surprise Nick at dinner. I want to put the pregnancy test in a Tiffany's pen box and wrap it up.

3dp5dt

I'm tired and  yet, I can't sleep. What gives? I woke up at 3am and fell back asleep at 6am right when Nick's alarm was going off.

Also, I was starving this morning. Thirsty for water at lunch time with mild cramps intermittent throughout the day.

I plan on testing tomorrow even though I know it will be too early to see anything.

2dp5dt

I have had cramps every day since transfer. I hope this is a sign of implantation. I didn't have any cramps this morning until I took the dogs for a long walk. When I got back, I had to lie down for a few minutes. I also woke up at 3:30am and was starving, but that could be a symptom of the Prednisone. The Lovenox injections are going ok so far. I ice before and after and inject the liquid slow. I have just a tiny bruise from the second injection.

I plan on doing my first hpt on Tuesday morning. I have have enough FRERs to do one in the am and one in the pm until Saturday. Nick doesn't want me to test early as not to stress myself out, but I told him not testing was not an option for me. I want to know as soon as it happens.

1dp5dt

My evenings look like this:

Symptoms today include mild cramps and tiredness.

Transfer Day!!! Not what we planned

Our 4th transfer was full of emotions today.

I couldn't sleep last night even with taking a melatonin. Transfer day is like Christmas as a kid. I tossed and turned and then the alarm went off at 5:30am. We had to leave at 6:30am to bring Tristan to his Nana's, so that she could bring him to school. He is not a morning bear and was very grumpy with the early wake up. We needed to arrive at Piney Point at 7:30am for our 8:30am transfer.

I drank two bottles of water and was ready to go when Dr Yeh came to speak to us. The thawed embryo had started to arrest, which means it was starting to dissenigrate and the probablity was low that it would survive and implant. His solution was to thaw another embryo and transfer both. Also, the lab thawed the wrong embryo. I stated we wanted a boy embryo this time since all our female embryos didn't make it. The lab didn't get the email and thawed a female embryo instead. I wasn't upset with the mistake as I desperately wanted a baby and didn't care at this point the gender. I was just crushed that my embryo was probably not going to make it.  

Emotions ran high. I immeditately wanted to transfer two: one male and one female. Nick was unsure as that would only leave us one left and he wasn't too keen on the idea of twins. I started crying and my bladder was about to burst. In end, Dr Yeh was confident that transferring both was our best option as our male that thawed was strong and looked perfect. Studies have shown that stronger embryos can help weaker ones implant.

I needed to do 20 minutes of guided meditation to calm my anxiety. I was able to urinate for 3 seconds only to let out some of the pain in my very full bladder. 45 minutes later I was laying on the table with Nick holding my hand as we had done many times before. It was painful, but it was all worth it to see that beautiful flash of light. Both embryos were now nesting in my uterus.

The TWW has begun. We left the clinic in search of Torchy's Tacos as neither of us had breakfast and was starving. I also started Lovenox injections tonight which burned during and after injection. I hope this will work. All of this has to be for something.

At this point, I have now experienced everything it seemed. Failed cycles, miscarriage and an embryo that didn't thaw successfully. Have I not suffered enough? Can this please be our time? I am content right now. I am hopeful at least one embryo will implant and would be estatic for twins. I always stated I wanted back what I lost that May day. Oddly enough, the special socks I bought for the transfer were blue with pink milkshakes. Maybe this wasn't planned this way, but was supposed to happen all along? Time will tell. I also wore a fertility bracelet that I bought on Etsy. I am hopeful for good luck even though I still believe we make our own luck. At this point, I have done everything I can possibly do to have a baby and expand our family.

 Godspeed embryos. And now, we wait....

Feeling great day before transfer

I woke up feeling great today, which is so odd! I slept well and woke up well rested. No night sweats. No cramps. No headaches. No exhaustion. My butt isn't sore from PIO.

My hair, makeup and clothing were all on point today. I was smiling on my commute.

I hope this is a good sign that my transfer tomorrow will be successful!

Great lining!

Nothing spells relief like getting a good ultrasound! Lining is best it's ever been at 12mm and triple stripe! No bleeding and no fluid.

We are good to transfer on 2/9/18!

FET #4	Labs CD-52	Baseline	CD-6	CD-10
	1/4/2018	1/18/2018	1/26/2018	1/30/2018
Progesterone	0.371	0.145	<0.050	0.159
Estradiol	42.8	<5.00	359.9	614.7
LH	22.53	4.47	5.48	3.69
Endo Thickness	4.96	6.43	9.22	11.83
FSH	9.95	2.37

Thoughts for my future child

Yesterday was Super Bowl Sunday.

Nick and I attended a party at a friend's house. I couldn't drink alcohol and I passed the celebratory jello shots on to Nick. We needed to do my PIO injection at 7:30pm which coincided with halftime. We snuck into our friend's bathroom with a cold beer to numb my backside and quickly did the injection and went back to the party. A sly smile on our faces as we exited the room together.

Future son, you are so loved that I have endured so much just to bring you into existence!